


Still Out There

by untilweseeawingshot



Series: Team Free Will Bingo [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel-sort of, Gen, This should have some kind of warning, but i'm not sure what to class it as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3453737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilweseeawingshot/pseuds/untilweseeawingshot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TFW Bingo prompt: Monster – Leviathan <br/>Castiel likes to act as though he doesn’t remember all of the things that happened when the Leviathans took over his body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Out There

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in the tags, I'm sure this should have some kind of warning but I'm not sure what to call it so; you have been warned.

It’s not something they talk about. Ever. And if they ask? He just tell them that he doesn’t remember any of it. Nothing of the leviathans killing people using his hands; nothing at all about acting like a complete dick to them when they were only trying to help; especially nothing about killing his brother but letting Crowley get away scot free.

He doesn’t remember walking into the reservoir and imploding, leaving literally nothing but a tattered bloodied trench coat. That is something he genuinely doesn’t remember. He was far too far gone by that point. But the break in Deans voice when he was telling him about it was enough to know that he’d hurt the hunter deeply.

They’re all still out there of course, all of the ones they didn’t kill; they just scared them when they killed the one who had assumed Dick Roman’s identity. So long as they don’t re-group and form another plan they’re okay.

Now that he’s back angel it’s not affecting him so much, but for the brief period in which he was human the nightmares were consistent. There was absolutely nothing else, not even purgatory. Just seeing himself doing things and hearing his voice saying things that he would never do or say, he knew they were memories and that just made it so much more frightening.

He won’t bring it up for fear people will see it as a weakness, see him scared and afraid.

Whenever he has to defend himself from anyone now sometimes he’ll see their faces, but other times it’s the face of an innocent person who he only recognises from hazy memories that he’s tried to push right down to the bottom of his mind; begging him to show mercy, to help and not hurt them.

“Cas?”

It’s two in the morning and he’s sat in the bunkers library. He looks up, impossibly blue eyes dull and the skin underneath darkened with worry.

“Dean.” He responds, a small smile washing away a little of the self-hatred written all over his face.

“Are you alright?” The hunter sat down across from the angel and watched him curiously.

“Have you heard anything of leviathan activity?”

Dean’s expression softens, “No Cas, I haven’t. Not since we ganked big daddy chomper and got our asses sent on the highway to purgatory. And you need to stop beating yourself up about that.”

“People have died because I was being selfish Dean. Lots of people. Innocent people.”

“You’ve learned from your mistakes Cas. You’ve grown and changed because of it. You weren’t yourself, the situation you were in had forced you to the point of desperation. I know what that’s like, believe me.” He sighed “You’ll do anything to make the situation better. Even if it means giving yourself up to the situation. And personally I much prefer you to Raphael!” Dean’s face broke into a grin.

Castiel smiled back, feeling better than he had done in a while. “I’m cursed though Dean, whenever I’m involved things tend to go wrong…”

“Just remember what I said Cas; I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” He stood up, stretched and yawned. “Well, I’m heading back to bed. Goodnight buddy.”

“Goodnight Dean, and thank you.”

“No problem, just stop beating yourself up about everything. What happened is behind us now and there’s nothing we can do about it. I don’t think we’d be here now if it wasn’t for the past.” Dean threw a soft smile over his shoulder as he left the room.


End file.
